Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Ever just feel inadequate

I have been trying really hard to keep my blog upbeat, kicky, fun.
Sometimes, it just doesn't work out that way.


I have just been having a lot of sad days lately.
My dr. has increased my happy medicine for one week out of the month to see if that helps with things
BUT
between the nasty weather the South Jersey region has been experiencing & my own personal problems it has taken it's toll.


I just feel inadequate in a lot of aspects of my life.
Am I a good person?
I thought I was until today when someone accused me of cheating & lying to them.

I didn't do either.
I never would.


Am I a good homemaker?
I have dust balls the size of Texas in all the bedrooms & my bathroom floor needs to be moped for some time now.


Am I a decent financial analysis person?
Ha!

Ask me about my bills, rent & car payments & I can tell you the first names of the bill collectors who call.


Do I feel like a failure as a parent?
Yep.
I know my little guy is only 2 & a lot has to do with that age
BUT
It doesn't help that I have lost my temper with him or I try different types of discipline & it's not working.
I am more laxed about things then some people I know.
Guess I should be on top of it.


Do I want to get out of bed in the morning?
Not particulary.
I do, obviously, but if I could bury my head & sleep away my problems I would


This isn't meant to be a "pity" post.
Just a post to vent.
The lady who accused me of cheating & lying to her really upset me.
I don't do either.
I like to think I am a pretty nice person who tries to help people.
Yes, I can be a snotty bitch
BUT
a liar & a cheat?
NO!


I have rambled on enough.
If you have gotten this far, pat yourself on the back & let me know.
I will send you a congrats card for reading so far down.


Late!

6 comments:

Renee

{{HUGS}} 2 is hard, they are realizing they can do things themselves and don't realize their limitations. Try reading 1-2-3 Magic, the school Social Worker recommended it to me, it's good.

Jodi

Aww... Meghan! You are a good person and a good mother. That lady just needs a good kick in the well you know.... Huge hugs!

BunnyKissd

{{{hugs}}} I am so sorry you're feeling so bad... I've been there too; it is very hard to keep things looking chipper for the rest of the world when you just wanna curl up in a ball and cry, or tell everyone to go to hell, or my personal favorite, just stay in bed, ignore everything, and dream about better things. The weather always makes it worse for me; dark rainy days, or overly hot & humid, days make me not want to move.

But you know what? You are doing the very best that you can and you should never feel inadequate. You are a beautiful, hard-working, loving woman dealing with difficult problems that only make you stronger and wiser and make the good times that much sweeter.

Other people will think what they will and you can't control that, and sometimes you might not even like it, especially if it's false beliefs about ourselves. The only thing you can do is change how *you* think. Instead of feeling bad because so & so is thinking these horrible things, just ignore it, know in your heart that they're wrong and be the best *YOU* you can be. Or send that person an extra lot of love and pray that they see the hurt they’re causing.

As for home making. It is one of the least appreciated jobs in the world. And the hardest in my opinion. It. NEVER. Ends. There is always something that needs doing. Laundry, dishes, cleaning... But know what? It will still be there tomorrow. It’s ok to give yourself a break and not worry about it. That’s one of the things I’ve learned to let go of living with 4 kids now. Cleaning up doesn’t last as long, and does it really matter if the floor isn’t vacuumed every day?

They say the best dentists have the worst teeth, and the best doctors have the worst health, and I bet the same is true for financial analysis persons! It’s awfully hard to fix one’s own problems when one is busy helping others with the same thing. In today’s economy *everyone* is having problems; do not feel alone there.

I don't feel perfectly comfortable suggesting things to people about their children, never having my own, but I do believe that a parent's role is to keep their child safe while they grow and explore the world around them. And I know how exhausting and mentally draining it is to make the right decisions and do the right thing, and even in helping Jacqueline raise these kids (the youngest was 6 at the beginning), I am constantly second guessing myself and beating myself up over mistakes I've made. But the kids love me, and it makes it easy to admit when I've made a mistake, and we talk about it, and they always forgive me, because they know I'm doing my best. And I know Cheeks isn't old enough yet to really talk it out with, but I bet it'll still help you to feel better... maybe...

So, I too have rambled an awful lot, and I don’t pity you, my dear, I grieve with you. If I was there I would give you a big hug and we’d go get some Ben & Jerry’s or something... {{{hugs}}}

Jacqueline Parks

No need to send a card, but I just wanted to let you know that I read and am thinking of you.

It gets hard for all of us sometimes. You are not alone.

Felicia McB

hon, we all feel that way some days! Big Hugs!
We won't discuss the size of my dust bunnies, lol, or the state of the bathroom floor (I blame the boys for that one), or the finances, but my guys are feed good wholesome food, my boy gets plenty of attention. is the house a little messy? yeah, are we happy though, yes, and that is more important.
as far as your little guy goes, part of it is the age he's at, be patient, when you feel yourself getting frustrated walk away and take a few breaths, then come back and do the disciplining, it'll let you do it with a clear head instead of with anger and it'll teach him that it's better to stop when you're angry and regroup. My little man (6 years old now) will stop and go sit in a quiet corner by himself to take a few minutes and calm down instead of throwing a fit (most of the time).
It gets better. you just have to keep your head up, I know this will sound wishy washy to some but when I start getting super stressed, I stop and take several deep "cleansing" breaths; on the inhale I visualize that I'm breathing in the good energy, and on the exhale getting rid of the negative. I make sure these are good deep breaths, in with the good (and let that hold for a couple of seconds) out with the bad.
Sorry this was such a long comment, but just know what if you ever need to vent I'm here to listen.

Holly Noelle

Everything will be OK! Be kind to yourself! We would never talk to our best friends the way we talk down to ourselves. I bet you're more awesome than you know!

And housework is overrated. A clean house just means that somebody isn't living life to the fullest, right? ;)