Troubled Thursday

You know, I don't know how many people read my blog nor do I know who reads it on a regular basis. So I am not sure who knew & who didn't that I was pregnant. Yep. I found out in Jan. While shocked & overwhelmed, I was happy.

Sadly, I miscarried. I dealt with in a pretty good way & thought I was doing ok with it. The pass few nights, after I put Cheekers to bed & it's just me, I relax, surf some blogs & my mind wanders to the fact that I lost a baby. I think "Would it have been a girl? a boy?" I think about how the kids would have hopefully been close, I think about Cheeks helping his little bro or sister with stuff. It might be stupid to think of what isn't but I can't help it. I am pretty upbeat about things (at least I have been trying) but I think it's starting to bother me. I want more kids & I had the opportunity to go for it this pass weekend but I told the Bobster I wasn't ready to experience what I had just had happen again. He respected it & said he understood. So I wonder, was that it? Was this lost pregnancy my last chance for another baby? I'm not getting younger & I know age plays a factor in the health of a fetus, so I think if we want one more child I think we need to go for it soon. There are cons & pros with the pregnancy but I would do it again! So will I have the chance again? I don't know but for now I am really missing a baby I didn't get a chance to know.