Here I sit....

miserable. Why? Hmmm...1st & foremost I have diaper rash. It's the only way to describe it. It hurts so bad that I can barely walk. I even bought Desitin & put it on. No relief, although it took about 5 minutes of scrubbing with the nail brush & soap to get it off my fingers. Must be water resistant.

I can't get comfy. Nope. Doesn't matter what I do. The belly hurts. It seems like it's going to be a long way until August.

Most of all, I came to realize today that I just can not get ahead. No matter what I do, I can't get my child what I want for him. (He's not even here yet). All the places I look at to rent are soooooooooooo expensive & to buy a home is the same or more money. You would think 15K to put down would help you. NOPE! They tell you they want 10% or more. Of course I am looking at houses that I like but are not what I really want. I want the big house, with the big yard & the beautiful kitchen etc. I know it takes time to get these things but I just don't get the people who are my age or younger & have it. I have worked had to get where I am at. I endured a loveless marriage (altho. not on my end), I endured an icky divorce and a firing. I know I'm whining but today is the day for whining. Sorry.

Then I price cribs. Holy Moley.....stay clear of BabyUSA & Bellini. You might as well take out a mortgage for the crib.

I want to be married. Yes, I know, closing the barn door after the horse got out but I would feel better about myself & for my son if moi & his father were married before he was born. Even if it's only a month before his debut, I would feel better. Now you might ask what the hold up is, hmph. Someone needs to get HIS divorce papers. It's only the matter of taking two minutes to write the letter but it falls on me. *SIGH* Guess I should just bite the bullet & do it. Once they arrive we have to apply for the license. EZ Peasy right? Sure if we could both have an aftermoon or a morning off to do it. Then again we just started new jobs, so you do the math!

Most of all, I am very, very upset that I will not be able to be SAHM. That's what I wanted. That's what I think is best for the baby but sadly, no can do. I don't know how people do it. I know there are plenty of people in the world who make what we do or even less & they manage. HOW???? What is the magic trick???? Someone tell me. Although if I can't find daycare, I will end up being a SAHM. I would even take a WAHM, but that's not an option for me, at least not yet. Maybe in the future.

I must be in a nesting mode today. I spent the day in front of the TV watching the Food network. Ask anyone I know & they will tell you, Meghan doesn't watch the food network, Meghan doesn't really cook.
Well I surprised everyone, I cooked dinner tonight. Sure hamburgers & fries but lately in my house, it's been cereal. Would have prob. been cereal tonight but 1. I had the guilts for not really cooking laterly & 2. We are out of cereal.

Woops, out!