Monday, May 29, 2006

Here I sit....

miserable. Why? Hmmm...1st & foremost I have diaper rash. It's the only way to describe it. It hurts so bad that I can barely walk. I even bought Desitin & put it on. No relief, although it took about 5 minutes of scrubbing with the nail brush & soap to get it off my fingers. Must be water resistant.

I can't get comfy. Nope. Doesn't matter what I do. The belly hurts. It seems like it's going to be a long way until August.

Most of all, I came to realize today that I just can not get ahead. No matter what I do, I can't get my child what I want for him. (He's not even here yet). All the places I look at to rent are soooooooooooo expensive & to buy a home is the same or more money. You would think 15K to put down would help you. NOPE! They tell you they want 10% or more. Of course I am looking at houses that I like but are not what I really want. I want the big house, with the big yard & the beautiful kitchen etc. I know it takes time to get these things but I just don't get the people who are my age or younger & have it. I have worked had to get where I am at. I endured a loveless marriage (altho. not on my end), I endured an icky divorce and a firing. I know I'm whining but today is the day for whining. Sorry.

Then I price cribs. Holy Moley.....stay clear of BabyUSA & Bellini. You might as well take out a mortgage for the crib.

I want to be married. Yes, I know, closing the barn door after the horse got out but I would feel better about myself & for my son if moi & his father were married before he was born. Even if it's only a month before his debut, I would feel better. Now you might ask what the hold up is, hmph. Someone needs to get HIS divorce papers. It's only the matter of taking two minutes to write the letter but it falls on me. *SIGH* Guess I should just bite the bullet & do it. Once they arrive we have to apply for the license. EZ Peasy right? Sure if we could both have an aftermoon or a morning off to do it. Then again we just started new jobs, so you do the math!

Most of all, I am very, very upset that I will not be able to be SAHM. That's what I wanted. That's what I think is best for the baby but sadly, no can do. I don't know how people do it. I know there are plenty of people in the world who make what we do or even less & they manage. HOW???? What is the magic trick???? Someone tell me. Although if I can't find daycare, I will end up being a SAHM. I would even take a WAHM, but that's not an option for me, at least not yet. Maybe in the future.

I must be in a nesting mode today. I spent the day in front of the TV watching the Food network. Ask anyone I know & they will tell you, Meghan doesn't watch the food network, Meghan doesn't really cook.
Well I surprised everyone, I cooked dinner tonight. Sure hamburgers & fries but lately in my house, it's been cereal. Would have prob. been cereal tonight but 1. I had the guilts for not really cooking laterly & 2. We are out of cereal.

Woops, out!

7 comments:

Briana

Girl, get out of that slump you are in! First of all - of course Balmex is water resistant! That's so poop/urine doesn't collect on the area and make it redder. Get used to using it. I put it on Joey all the time!

Second - the house thing - yeah, I understand that one. We are still in our starter home and it's fine - for now. Most SAHM's I know sacrifice their large house and yard for a smaller house and car to stay home. Either that or they get an inheritance or something. We can't afford it either (for me to stay home). The GOOD thing is that we take Joey to an awesome daycare and they work with him a lot - arts and crafts, and he's soooo friendly to EVERYONE!! He's so socialized it's amazing. I don't think he would be like this if it weren't for daily interaction at daycare. I'm actually glad he goes!!

Here's to you and I making it to August. I feel like a huge cow!! AND I"m sooo hot. Thank goodness for A/C

Briana

Oh and I wanted to address the crib issue. Are you having a shower? If so, register for a ton and hopefully you will get a lot of it. I got a crib from a friend but they always have really nice ones at consignment for 1/2 price or less. The baby doesn't care where the crib came from!! You may try to cut some corners here and there and you may get more off your registry! :) We already had a crib and a changing table, so we got a lot of other things from our registry instead!!

Kim - ScrapToMyLu

I'm sorry you are feeling in the dumps. Move to the NW. Cost of living is so much better. Or actually Utah or somewhere like that. :) Good luck.

Diana

Hang in there girlie! I know you want the best for your child but your child just wants your love...and you will love it the same in an apartment, condo, rental or whatever! I hope the marriage can happen soon; sometimes dealing with all the paperwork that comes into our lives can just be overwhelming...and I know the rash issue; I injured myself....well won't go farther, let's just say I know! :) Try not to look at what others have; in many cases they've sacrificed other things to have it...maybe sometime you'll be able to move to an area where housing isn't outrageous (like where I am!)...not being a SAHM does not mean you are a failure it just means you have to deal with 21st century life and bills - it's ideal to be at home, but not critical - just take time off when you can!

Carolyn F

Hang in there -- it will work itself out!

Sarah Beth Scott

Baby wipes will get Desitin right off your fingers. They work better than soap and water.

Tina Piercy

secret to being a sahm.. financially. not sure if there is one. what worked for us was getting out of credit card debt and as much other debt as we could.
i had to sell some stock to do it..but it was worth it. it's funny how when you stay at home, you dont' use as much gas, ,you don't pay 300$ a week on daycare. you don't have to buy the work clothes.. or lunches out.. it all adds up.. i didn't think we would be able to do it either.. but it works out some how.. you have to have faith. if it doesn't work, you can always go back to work..