Real Talk with Cheeks

Having a 5 year old is new to me.

Having a 5 year old boy is a whole other ball game.

Take for instance, this conversation.

Scene: My bathroom, me, sitting on edge of tub running water for Cheeks bath. Him using the potty.

All of a sudden he slams the seat & lid down.

Looks at me & says:

"Mom, I almost slammed it on my penis"

Me:

"That's not good Cheeks, not at all. If that happens we have to go to the hospital"

Cheeks:

"Why? Will they give me a new one?"

Me:

"No, they don't make penises"

Cheeks:

"Do they only make them in adult sizes?"

Me:

"No, they just don't make them."

Cheeks:

"Are they out of them? Can they order them?"

Me:

"No, they don't make them like that.  If you slam the seat down, it will hurt for a long time"

Cheeks:

"Well can I get a toy penis & a toy butt?"

Me:

"Bobster! Where have you been taking this child?"

And, scene.

*I am sure some of the words in this blog will bring the nuts out of the woodwork to my blog...take heed, it's not that kind of blog...nothing to see here...go about your business*

Yoohoo...I got something for you

Meghan's Mindless Mutterings: Review & Giveaways

Clicky the Linky for your chance to win!

May have been a Flash Giveaway but not so much a Flash Winner

Sorry for the delay folks.

Life, it happens.

Our winner is:

 MegRyans Mom...Rita!!!

Woop! Woop! Email me your deets sister!

My son, the Polar Bear...literally

Yes, I've always wanted a pet in the fam.

Maybe not quite like this but, eh, it'll do.

That is the 18yo.
The salon the Nana works for needed a mascot to hawk their sale.
Who does the Nana think of?

Mr. I need money for the prom.

Viola! Instance Polar Bear for a child.

He was so good, another salon wants to book him.

Bobster & I are thinking of opening up a mascot business.
Who wants first dibs on the best mascot this side of the Mississippi?

Advertising really hits home

Dear Advertising Companies

Your campaigns have done the trick.
All these years, you have marketed this ad or that towards all of us.
You have your fancy shmancy statistics to show these "commercials" really work.

I am here to tell you that they do.
See that unsuspecting five year old child up there.
Your direct marketing has worked.
He knows it all (well he really does know it all, just ask him, he'll tell you yes...just like his father)

See the other day I spilled something on my shirt.
As I was going "Are you kidding me? Oh man, this is my fav shirt"
My son gently put his hand on my arm & said
"Mom, do you know what you need?"
Me: "No, bud, what?'
Cheeks: "Mom, you need OxiClean, it'll get that tough stain out!"

So thank you marketers, you have done your job!
My son now knows OxiClean will get the job done.

Now, can you teach him to actually do the laundry?

Snoozy McSnoozerton

Hi everyone.
My name is Meghan, this is my blog and I am a Snoozer.
A. Big. Time. Snoozer.

I love my snooze button.

It's just not any ole snooze button on any ole alarm clock.

It's the snooze button my cell phone.
That's right...I am a new school.

None of the old school for me.

During the week that incessent phone goes off at 5:30. 
The sun isn't even up.
Right there that should be against the law...getting up before the sun.

Albeit it is what it is.

So I do what every good exhausted mommy does.
I hit that snooze button every 5 mins for 30 mins.

Hence my tush doesn't get out of bed til 6.

Wait! Let's be realistic.
After the snooze button no longer works for the day, I just lay there & take my chances.
I'm usually up by 6:15.
Thus resulting in me running like a mad woman to get myself & the Cheeks out of the house.

This morning I decided to be a rebel & screw the snooze.
I got in the shower by 5:50 (I hit the snooze like 4 times...whatever).

Know what?
I was still running around like a mad woman.

I don't get it.

So, my real question is...are you a snoozer?

Flash Giveaway ~ $10 Build A Bear Gift Card

You must be quick because this is my first flash giveaway of 2012.
Holla!


I have one $10 gift card to Build A Bear Workshop.


You can have it in your hot little hands just by entering below.


Remember, time is of the essence.


Giveaway ends on Monday, the 23rd, at 8pm est.


Ok, go for it!

Mom Bloggers for Social Good ~ Mom on a Mission

Did you know I am a member of:

I am a founding member.  Very exciting...I know!!!!

Anyway the reason I am bringing it up is because of something very important.

Nominations are now open at http://www.healthychild.org/mission to find

eight extraordinary parents—one of whom will become our 2012 “Mom on a

Mission.” From January through August, Healthy Child will select and honor

one finalist each month; in September and October, the general public will

vote to choose the winner, who will honored with a grand prize at a gala

event in New York City in November.

Celebrating its 20th anniversary year, Healthy Child Healthy World began in

1992 after five-year-old Colette Chuda died of a rare form of

non-hereditary cancer linked to environmental factors. Playing a leadership

role in one of the most important public health and environmental movements

of the 21st century, today Healthy Child Healthy World ignites the movement

that empowers parents to protect children from harmful chemicals. More

information can be found at www.healthychild.org.

So I am asking you to nominate someone you know or even yourself.

Or

Just follow along, check out the organization, let me know your thoughts.

Thanks for reading today.

The Case of the Mysterious Smear

So this evening, after work, I needed to use our one & only bathroom.

I was doing my thing when I looked over at the tile wall and noticed a dark reddish brown smear on the wall.
"Slobs!" I thought.

So I saunter downstairs where my family is & say "Ok, who left the bloody booger smeared on the wall".

Immediate "Wasn't me!" "I didn't do it"

Then from right in front of me the 5 yo says:

"Oh that's not a boogie"

"It's not?" I replied.

So my overly honest little bundle of angelic joy said:

"No, see I was going poop AND it was a lot AND it got on my finger, so I wiped it on the wall!"

And that my friends explains why the HazMat team is outside my front door.

A Grandpop & His Boy

Tangled Clip~Check it Out

Tangled was one of the cutest movies of the summer.

Even Cheeks liked it.

Check out the a clip from the new short that is being shown with the new Beauty & Beast 3D:

Come On Get Happy

Happiness.
Something to achieve in 2012.
For everyone.


How am I going to achieve it?
I'm going to tell you.


I'm going to let things go.


Like for instance, after I clean the kitchen to a spotless, pristene room, I am going to soak in the view and revel in that moment.
I will not get upset when 2.5 seconds later I have a child or a man-child who absolutely "needs" to eat & will mess it up.


I will let it go when a customer gives me a hard time because that's the job I choose.  I will let it go.


2012 is about letting it go.
About having pajama days with the family.
About letting blankets & pillows be in the living room all day.
About relaxing.
About not letting things bother me.


It will be an uphill climb but I am up for the challenge (and I'm thinking of upping the meds).


Tell me how are you going to achieve happiness in the new year.


Leave me a comment...I'd love to know.


Also, check out Blogher's Happiness Post here. Dr. Aymee will give you some ways to help get there.


While you are there, enter to win a Kindle Fire here.

Thank you Trix Rabbit, Thank you

Finally!

Finally manufacturers are hearing the cries of parents.

Mostly, in my opinion, parents of children who follow a diet of no artificial coloring.

Why would you want to cut out the artificial coloring?

It makes some children act like the Tazmanian Devil.

Hence, The Aunt Erin.

Sure, as a mature woman, she can handle red dye #40

BUT

As a child, give her a little dye & suddenly she's building a house of bricks in the backyard in 10 seconds.

Why am I happy that General Mills has changed it's additives, colors etc in their Trix yogurt?

Cheekers loves this yogurt

&

This might come as a shocker for a kid that pretty much goes to the principal everyday for being disruptive

BUT

We think he's ADHD or Hyper & diet change is one way of helping the symptoms.

I was literally beaming in the food store.

I know.

Dork!

It's the little things that make me happy.

Now I can get him this yogurt (which was a big, big place that he got his artificial dye from) & feel good about giving it to him.

So General Mills, you have heard my personal pleas & on behalf of many parents, I'd like to say thank you!

Tsk, Tsk, What a Let Down

Tonight was Bobster's turn to cook.
So you know what that means...ordering out.
You know, cause that's how we roll...like Rockefellars with the money.

I digress.
So we agreed on pizza but wanted something that would feed the 4 of us.
One hubs, 2 boys, & me.

We decided on this:

Oh Pizza Hut
Much like my ex-husband, you showed such great promised but the disappointment was all mine

When I say this wouldn't feed 2 birds eating on a budget, I am not kidding.

It's 2 medium pizzas
OR
The equivilant to one box of Ellios.

It included 5 breadsticks...that was the highlight of the box.

It also included 6 bonless wings.
6.

One pizza we asked for pepperoni on it.
The other...half pineapple.
It was covered which allowed me to remove the pineapple so the 5yo would eat the pizza.
God forbid he eat pineapple.

Overall, this deal is worth maybe $12.
Not $20.
Photos are very deceiving...again reminds me of my ex-husband...I saw a photo first...should have run.

So Pizza Hut thanks for building up the anticipation and failing to deliver.
Again, ex husband.

Anyone noticing a theme?

So, tell me, what do you think of Pizza Hut?

12 for 12 looking at 11

2012.
Holla!
Woo.

In honor of 2012, I thought I would list some of my "fav" posts from each month of the year 2011.

First up:
January:

Guilty Pleasure

A year later & that show is still my guilty pleasure.  It starts again soon.  Woo!

February:

My popular post of this month...

Gallbladder Free

Who knew?

March:

Watch While I Bend this Lollipop with my Mind

My own Yuri Gellar

April brings:

Have you met Eddie Haskill 2011?

May:

My First Vlog...Take 2

Yep, You get to see me...& hear me!

June:

Advice

Really? I have good advice...swear.

July:

He's a Baller, He's a Playa

August:

That Doesn't Happen Here til Today

September:

Catchin Up

October:

The Horror! The Horror!

November:

Customer Service: Good vs. Evil

December:

How to Embarras Your Mom #512

That's what I got.
How about you?

How it Went Down

Holidays 2011 are a mere memory.

Here's how it went down in our casa.

First up, the debut of Cheeks in concert for his school.

We didn't realize it was a rap concert. Ha!

Christmas Eve arrived & apparently Santa exploded at our house.

The the morning arrived where the 13yo had to wake the 5yo.  I think our 13yo was more excited than anyone this year.

Of course we got the obligatory shot of all 3:

We ended the day with a free for all at my sister in laws house.

And for the Grandpop, there is a pic of you & Cheeks that I will post later.

How were you holidays?

#1 for 2011

The #1 post on my blog for 2011 was this one:

Leaving It In the Hands of My Readers

You know, where I asked for your opinions on whether I should go with a nose ring or not.

Overwhelmingly, the vote was for "go for it".

As you can plainly see from this photo:

I so didn't get one.

Not that I don't want one, I do.

I just got a ton of flack from my family about it.

Although I think the Aunt Erin was pro nose ring but then again, she has one.

At my age, 25, 30, 38, ok fine at my age of, ahem, 41, I feel I might be a bit over the age of appropriate nose ring peeps.

I could always get it & take it out, the hole closes, right?

Then again, at 41 & overweight, will people just think "Look there goes another fat, middle aged woman trying to recapture her young adulthood?"

Well perhaps 2012 will bring that nose ring.

It's his mission

Cheeks is on a mission.

His mission, which he obviously chose to except is to embarrass me at every turn.

This mission includes his father but not as often as me.

Most recent embarrassment happened Christmas Eve.

Yes folks, he doesn't even take the holidays off.

We were at Bobster's Aunt's house for a little soiree.

Bob's grandfather is still living.

Mine, unfortunately, is not.

Cheeks has meet Bob's grandfather but it's been about 2 years since he last saw him.

So in his 5 yo mind, "Pop" doesn't exist.

Well Bobster & I were making nice with "Pop" when our angelic boy walked up.

Bobster says "Cheeks this is your great grandpop"

Our sweet, innocent child takes a step back, looks up, cocks his head to one said & proclaims

"I thought you were dead~!"

Well after we picked ourselves up off the floor, both of us diffused the situation with Bobster's Pop.  Thankfully he is deaf as a doornail so he had no idea what Cheeks had said.

We explained to Cheeks that was not a really nice thing to say & that it was my grandfather who was in Heaven.

My grandfather would have gotten a kick out that had Cheeks said it to him:

(that's my Aunt Darlene & my Grandpop)

Anyway that is the story of our holiday embarrassment.

How did you holidays ring in?

And it's over...

Christmas 2011 has come & gone.
Sigh.
I love to see it come...the anticipation, the preparation, the wrapping, card writing & sending.
All fun.
Then Christmas morning comes.

In over an hour the gifts are unwrapped & the house looks like war torn Beirut.
It's fun tho.

Cheeks couldn't contain himself.
He was so excited that he was getting up extra early in the days leading up to, asking me "Is it Christmas?' at like 5am.
Good times.

Christmas morning, he would open a gift, go "Awesome!" & run to me or Bobster to open it.
We would tell him in a bit, keep opening.

Finally his turn was over & he had to hand the gifts to his brothers.
He wasn't thrilled with that because that took away from playing.

He didn't eat all day except for 2 crackers & a cupcake.
Mother of the Year I am, no?
He's fine.
Trust me!

All in all it was a great Christmas.
I am blessed to have a close knit family and blessed that we are all healthy (for the most part) & all have jobs.

How was your Christmas?

How to embarrass your Mom #512

So this past weekend, I took the Cheekers to see a movie (The new Chipmunks...cute but not going to win an award...know what I mean?).

The ticket taker was a young African American boy with Vitaligo.
For those who are not aware of what Vitaligo is, it looks like this:

Now everyone is thinking Michael Jackson.
Right?
Right.
Come on...you know you were.

Anywho, my son was handing the boy the tickets when he says:

"Hey you are two different colors! I've never seen anyone with 2 different colors, do you know you are 2 colors?"

At this point I was hoping the floor would open up & swallow me.  That obviously didn't happen.

So I sort of laughed and said "Hey, everyone's different. I look different, you do, those people do..."
Luckily the boy had a great attitude and he responded to my little guy "Yep, I think it's awesome"
To which Cheeks said "Yep! It is"

He proceeded to talk, loudly, all the way down the hall to the theater about the 2 different colored boy.
I proceeded to tell him it's not polite to comment on other people and it's really cool how that boy looks.

I've never pointed out differences among people to my son.
He is just now starting to notice.
I just never thought he would comment on it.

Thankfully everyone he's ever said anything to, has laughed it off & explained things to him.
People are good!

How has your kiddo embarrassed you lately?

Mittens & Gloves with a Wish for a Merry Christmas

I'm thinking future rockstar!

Are you smarter than a Kindergartener?

Apparently, I gave birth (or they ripped him from my stomach…whatever…he was 11 pounds is the claim to fame) to a genius!

Tis true.

A few weeks back the Aunt Erin & Cheeks were having a discussion in the back seat of the mini van. Well it must have gotten heated because next thing all of us knew we heard Aunt Erin (who is 28) say “Oh yea, well spell “THE””.

Cheeks responded: T…H…E.

The next sound was Aunt Erin’s jaw hitting the bottom of the mini van.

While out shopping I let Cheeks throw a quarter in the fountain & make a wish. Aunt Erin asked him what his wish was. He said he wanted to save the world from peril.

Here is where Aunt Erin went wrong, she said that perhaps the world was not in peril & that Cheeks didn’t even know what the word peril meant.

At that point he piped up & said “Yes I do. It means someone or something is in trouble and or hurt.”

Again, a speechless Aunt Erin.

What has your little guy/gal said lately that shut you up?

Picking off Pixars!

Poor Cheeks.
The kid doesn’t know what to do.

Every year, we get the kids their own ornaments.
Cheeks picked out a Lighting McQueen ornie from Target.
Before it even got on the tree, the spoiler on the back was mysteriously broken.
We charged on & decided to hang it on the tree.
Within minutes, Lightening hit the floor & shattered.

Sigh.

Problem solved we will go get another ornie.
Saturday stopped at Target, Cheeks decides to get Buzz Lightyear.
This morning I asked him if he wanted to hang it on the tree before we left.
He hesitated & said he was afraid it would break.
Being the encouraging mom that I am I said “It won’t break, come on, put it on the tree! Anywhere you want.” So he did.
Very close to the end of the branch.
I encouraged him to move it higher up the branch.
As he went to move it
...
BAM!

Buzz hit the floor & was decapitated from the waist down.
The carnage was awful.
Cheeks immediately sprang tears.
I calmed him down by telling him we would get a 3rd one.

I’m not going to lie, I was sort of chuckling to myself as I went to get the broom because I thought: Poor kid, he can’t catch a break.

Of course, this could be my fault for allowing him to hang a delicate ornament that should have been hung much higher on the tree.
Shh! We won’t tell anyone.

So, tell me have you had any casualties this season?

I’m off to Target for another ornie!

Out for a Spin

Whose that?
Isn't that Chippy The Elf & Macho Man?
Looks like that Elf is four wheeling with the Macho Man.

Chippy gets all the fun!

I am hoping the Elf being here worked.
No principal for Cheeks today.
That's actually a plus.
He was so excited when I got home.
He came downstairs & said "I have something to show you" & he pulled out the yellow slip that means he got on the yellow traffic light, not red which means principal office.
I made a fuss.
We are just trying to get him to not go to the Principal.
Once that happens, we will work on not getting the traffic light.

Any ideas on what to have Chippy do while he visits?
Do tell!

The Elf, Chippy The Elf

He's arrived.
Chippy.
He's hear til Christmas Eve.

Made his grand arrival this morning by landing in our Christmas tree.
He even left his "story book" on Cheeks bed.
I was very surprised that he got it.
As was Cheeks because he knows I like this joint up like Fort Knox at night.
Cheeks told me it was magic that he got in the house.

I refreshed my son's memory on how the Elf, excuse me, Chippy works.
You know be good, Chipster reports back to the big man in red, yadda yadda.
You would think that would be motivation enough, no?
Yea, no, he went to the principal again.
Everyday since the start of school except for 5.
That's my boy! 

What's that keyhole cut out in his costume you say?
Chippy had a very unfortunate "burning" incident last year when he decide to try to get tan by clutching one of those light bulbs.
It is what it is.
I say the keyhole makes him unique, no?

Tell me, do you have a Chippy?
Is he mischevious? Or does he just hang out?

Buyer Beware, especially in this area....

So remember my customer service saga with Amazon and the seller, TechBargnz…yes, that was the third party sellers name.  The seller made good, charged a 15% restock fee + applicable freight out & back. Meh, on the restock but anything to get some moola back.  Still I would avoid Techbargnz in the future.  Especially since he was a little cocky in his reply email.

I digress.

Well I have another customer service doozy.  It’s especially imperative if you live in my area (South Jersey/Philly) that you heed the following warning.

Stay far, far away from Mini Trail Bikes in Lindenwold NJ.  Shyster is the only “clean” word I could come up with when describing this guy.

He states that he will service you even after the sale.

BAAHAAHAA (read that as a maniacal laugh)

Anywho, last week I had to purchase an item for a moped (don’t ask…long story & no, it does not involve me pedding around on a moped because that would just be God awful).  The gentleman assured me the part he was selling me would work for the moped.  I had the make, model & serial number for the moped to ensure I got the right piece.  The associate kept saying no, no, that won’t help me, I’m telling you this is the right part.  So upon looking at said part I asked “Um, is this used?” “Yes, but I only need it to repair a bike in the back…it’s good, I promise you”  Ok, give me the part…I was ready to get out of there.

Long story short, wrong part. I took it back & asked to exchange it for 2 items (correct item & chrome cover) that came in at a higher price.  I did this 24 hours later. The guy (same guy) was like “nope we don’t do returns” Right, I don’t want to return it, I want to exchange it…exchaaaaaange it…say it with me peeps!  This goes on for like 10 minutes with him using every excuse in the book, policy, shady individuals, raccoons eating product…you name the excuse, he used it. 

I left, with the wrong, used part in hand.  The kicker…I had to special order a part for the moped that he charged me for already plus he charged me freight to have shipped to the store…to the store! Not my home, the store.  Ugh.  I asked him to please ship it to my home since I was paying the freight.  The associate responded with…NO!

Ok, now it’s time to email the owner.

I did.

No response.

Emailed the owner again.

Again, no response.

Two more emails, two more no repsonsed.

I’m surprised I was this patient.

Third email to him, he responded “I’ll call you tomorrow”

I called him.  He didn’t call back.

Called again, got him, he’s too busy he’ll call me back in 24 hrs.

Today I got the call….5 days after he told me 24 hours.

He told me he thought about the issue of doing an exchange and he still says no.

No exchanges. I’m stuck with it.

Well, Ken of Mini Trail Bikes in Lindenwold NJ, your promise of “Parts, not promises. Service, not excuses!” really doesn’t resonate now does it? 

So if I were you & you are in need of mopeds, go carts, parts etc, go the store in Forked River, NJ… Cyclehouse…you’ll get way better customer service and won’t have to deal with shysters who have been in business as long as I’ve been alive.

Tell me do you have any customer service horror stories, I’d love to know!!!!